Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
