I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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