I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
