halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
