I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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