Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How naked do you want me to be?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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