i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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