I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize