we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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