he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
