I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
