I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
