Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize