SEEEEXXX PLEASE
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
