I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
