Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize