I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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