plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
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