then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
