if you like me you must not know who I am
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
