he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
