My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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