the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize