FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize