Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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