Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
