Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
