Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
