I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
