Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
