I'm going to jail i love you
farters have to be the big spoon...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
