question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
