Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
where does the pee come out of this thing
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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