apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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