i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
