If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
