I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
