Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
