i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
