He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
