i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
