Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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