Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
