I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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