Im at strip club and am horny
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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