My nipple is on Facebook.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
