"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
