i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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