Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
