Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He? As in you personified your dick?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
