It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
