this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
