just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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