Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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