She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
