So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
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