there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
