What did we do last night that was yellow?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
