I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Randomize
