im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
