i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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