Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
