just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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