census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
