There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
