Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize