she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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